He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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