if you like me you must not know who I am
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
