is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
