We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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