Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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