i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
