Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
