You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize