I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
