I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
