remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
