Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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