batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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