I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
