I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I need moral support for this bender
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
