Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize