imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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