you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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