Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
