I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
