I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
