It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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