thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
