Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize