just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
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