I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
