I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
