Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
