I cockslap morals
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize