If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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