I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
