Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
