look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
