no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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