Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
