So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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