So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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