So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
