Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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