I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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