I think my fart just growled at me.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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