put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
