Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize