in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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