Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
