i don't like sucking hair
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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