Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize
