dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
