yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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