singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
