Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We need a shit load of segways right now
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
