You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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