I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
