There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
