You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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