with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
