Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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