Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
