hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
