those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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