I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He? As in you personified your dick?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
