Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
