I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
