I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
