So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
