I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
