McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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