I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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